I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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