The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
