Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
