Betty ford says i'm here all night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
