i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
