Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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