3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
