you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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