She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
