Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
