yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she smelled like a LAN party
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
