Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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