Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
