So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
