He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
