I am in a vortex of obligation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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