wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
