How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
