i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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