Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
