i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
