i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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