Church boner. Awkwardddd
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
