Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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