My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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