There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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