This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
