in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
