the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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