she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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