I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
