I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
