Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
