No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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