is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
