some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
