she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
