stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
