he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
