I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
