batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
