Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
