I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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