My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
