yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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