My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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