am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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