i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
