i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
