just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
