I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
