No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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