they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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