apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
