Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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