i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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