Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
