And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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