Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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