these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
