remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
