bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
