she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
