Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
