She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
