I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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