I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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