dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
