imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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