I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
