dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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