True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
