Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
