I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize