Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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