Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
