I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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