there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
