Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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