Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
