I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
