lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
